Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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