Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
