For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
