Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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