how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
