I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
should my penis look like a turkey
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
