the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
