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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's rum buckets o'clock
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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