I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
