life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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