i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
