I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
