When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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