If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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