ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
