i don't like sucking hair
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
