forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
