also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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