I cockslap morals
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
