Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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