Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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