I am in a vortex of obligation.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
