My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
