someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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