I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
