When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
