Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Never underestimate the power of titties
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
