My sheets look like a crime scene.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
