Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
