Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Even my vagina gasped.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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