My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
