well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
