Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There's always time for handjobs
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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