just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
