just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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