There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
