i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
