i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
