I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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