i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
