So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize