I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
