I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
