Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
