You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
