His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
