I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
