yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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