she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize