We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
