I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
