last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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