New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
