just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
