I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
