Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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