btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
