wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
