I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
