please come you make the beer taste better
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
