I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You took a bar mat shot.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
