I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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