I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
