I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
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