Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
