dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Randomize
