Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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